Recruiting and retaining women in jiu jitsu

What do jiu jitsu women want?

The question of "what do women want" has puzzled men since about the time they became bipeds. And it's never had an easy answer. We women are a complex, heterogeneous lot, difficult to lump together in broad, blanket statements.

But what I am interested in here is "what do women want in a jiu jitsu school?" Specifically, what is it that got women's feet in the door at their first academies? What made them choose that academy over other options?  And if they one day move on, what will jiu jitsu women look for in their future schools?

Women are a fast-growing segment of jiu jitsu, but we remain a stark minority. I'm going to offer you some best-estimate, completely made up statistics here. When I started training 4.5 years ago, women appeared to make up less than 10% of total jiu jitsu students. Now, in my estimate, they make up 15-20%. This is progress, for sure! But the fact is, women are still grossly under-represented in jiu jitsu. 

Why should academies care about recruiting more female students? The way I see it, the reasons are three-fold. Whatever drives your instructor, increasing the female membership is a benefit:

• Financial: Let's say that your academy falls in the high range of my estimate and is 20% female. That's pretty good, right? Not if you consider the missing 30% lost revenue. How much more money would be brought in if female numbers were brought up to the level of males? More women = more dues paying members = more money for the academy.

• Self defense: If the mission of your school is to empower students with Gracie self defense, women should be a major part of your targeted student base. Jiu jitsu self defense is about using technique and leverage to defend oneself against bigger, stronger opponents, which makes it perfect for women. The unfortunate reality is that women are disproportionately victims of violent attacks and therefore need self defense skills even more than men do. 

• Competition: If your school is competition oriented, recruiting women makes good sense too. More students means there are more opportunities to score points for your school. Also, since fewer women train than men do, their divisions are often less dense, affording them more opportunities to place in tournaments. (This isn't always the case, though, since women have fewer divisions than men do).

Schools benefit from recruiting women, but for some this is easier said than done. To find out what women are looking for in their jiu jitsu schools, I used Facebook to poll 45 women from across the country. Here's what I found:

What attracts women to their first jiu jitsu academies?

For women who have never trained before, what got their feet in the door at their first schools?  A significant number of women whom I polled had backgrounds in other martial arts - boxing, Aikido, muay thai, judo, and Krav Maga - and looked to jiu jitsu to expand their martial arts practice. A few had survived some type of violent attack and turned to jiu jitsu for self defense training. The vast majority, however, walked into their first jiu jitsu school via referral from someone they knew - usually a friend or significant other. Personal invitations from current students was the most common method of bringing women into schools.

Location and convenience were also huge factors. Online media played a role as well. A couple of the women reported that they would not have tried jiu jitsu if not for the inexpensive Groupon deals that brought them in. Interestingly, more than one reported that they chose their school because there were pictures of women on its website but not on those of neighboring schools.

For other ladies, the presence of a women's only class was the clincher:

"Having a women's only class was just a way to get my foot in. After I was comfortable I took all the regular classes with the guys." - Cimonnett Guilbeau
 
"I started with a women's class, because it seemed like a good way to ease in. Some people roll their eyes at women's-only classes, but I think they're important. I know a lot of sexual assault survivors who do BJJ and women's classes can go a long way towards making them feel safe." Megan Katsaounis

 

What do experienced jiu jitsu women look for when choosing a school?

As for women who have trained for a while, what do they value in their jiu jitsu schools? What would they look for when searching for a new place to train?

Safety 

First and foremost, women want to feel safe when they are training.

"Of course as a female in a male dominated sport, I want to make sure that I feel safe. BJJ is a very intimate sport and I have to trust my partners won't take advantage of that. " -Lebecca Rekim

"Although my training partners are predominantly male, they all feel like my big brothers. We joke around and play a lot, but I feel that if someone were to walk in and harass me in any way, it would be taken care of by my training partners and instructors in a heartbeat."- Beverly Huang

"The first time I met my instructor, he told me that if anyone at the school made me feel uncomfortable, I should tell him so he could take care of it. That meant a lot to me. It showed that having women in the school was a priority for him and that he understood how intimidating it could be." -Megan Katsaounis

Cleanliness

This was a huge factor that was mentioned a lot. On the mats, cleanliness and safety are 2 sides of the same coin. No one wants her health put at risk due to poor hygiene. 

"Facility has to have clean bathrooms and mats." Lynn Ferri

"Clean mats, of course!" Elizabeth Cates 

Affiliation

Lots of women stated that if they had to find a new school, they would first look within their affiliation. If that were not available, they would find another affiliation of good reputation.

"A lineage I can be proud to be part of [is important]. If I don't respect the person that promoted you, I don't want them promoting me. This means no 'hilarious' stories about beating people up in bars, rape rumors (naturally), and just generally not being a d-bag." -Chrissy Linzy

Attitude  

"Respect. No to any kind of bigotry. If the teacher makes misogynist, racist, homophobic comments or allows them from students this is a BAD sign." - Josefina Lozano

Camaraderie 

The vibe within the school means a lot - community and partnership were common themes mentioned.

"I see almost all of my teammates as comrades rather than rivals. They've pushed me on the mat and also have been my support as my friends." - Lebecca Rekim

"The other thing that made a big difference was the enthusiasm of the other women at the school. It was clear that they love jiu-jitsu and see other women as partners not rivals. They went out of their way to be welcoming: instructing me, lending me gis, inviting me to events, etc. I've followed their example and tried to be extra accommodating to new women." -Megan Katsaounis 

"I am not sure I would have seriously continued to stick with it...if not for the other women who really took the time to work with me and made me feel wanted and welcome...Strong community goes a long long way for me." - Chelsea Kurtzman 

Open door policy 

"I travel a lot, so I won't train with an instructor that doesn't have the 'train with everyone' attitude. On top of that, I am an adult. I don't need my instructor's 'permission' to visit another gym." - Chrissy Linzy 

"My ability to train other places is important. Women's Grappling Camp and open mats are non-negotiable." - Jen Whitcomb   

The presence of other women...?

While a strong female community is a definite plus, it is not a deal breaker for most women who have trained a while. Also, forced segregation due to sex is a big no-no.   
                                              
"My instructor thinks that what recruits women to BJJ is other women who do BJJ. Where there are women others follow and that's true I think. I would love to train at a school where there are other women aside from one."- Geeta Bhat    

"As far as training with women, that's totally optional for me. I would rather have zero women than be expected to train with the same woman night after night." - Chrissy Linzy 

Josefina Lozano sums the issue up wonderfully. "No FORCED pairing according to gender. You are paying money and have a limited time to train, so...it is a no when the teacher always pairs women with women...regardless of height, weight, rank." She continues, "but the fact that there are other women is usually a good sign, that there are higher belt women is a better sign. And if the group is composed of women of different ages and athletic backgrounds AND THEY HAVE STUCK AROUND [that] is definitely a sign of a school that has found the right formula to promote a good environment for women that can bring more female students to BJJ and KEEP THEM. Ergo, is a school I definitely would consider trying." 


Different women have different priorities, of course. But these were the most common qualities mentioned that attracted those I polled to their jiu jitsu schools. How does your academy stack up? 

Fighting on film - what I learned about movie combat, thug life, and falling on concrete

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to do stunt work for a fight scene. One of my training partners, Alethea Delmage, is directing a film called The Visitor and recruited jiu jitsu and MMA fighters as actors to play Mafia thugs in a fight club. (Like the Facebook page The Visitor Film 2015 for updates and more information).

I was pysched to be cast as "thug #1." I had never been in a movie before and I was excited to use my fight skills in a venue that would not get me beat up for realz. Plus, playing a thug would be good for my street cred.

In a broad sense, filming the fight scene reminded me of competing in a jiu jitsu tournament: lots of waiting around and warming up, without really knowing when I would be up, followed by short periods of high impact activity and adrenaline, followed by more wait time. Fight, rest, and repeat. In between rounds, I would try to stay loose and warm and not crash from an adrenaline dump.   

Here's what I took from the experience:

- Acting work is more grueling than glamorous. Overall, I spent 15 hours on set (I was wrapped before most folks, who were there for 19 hours). We filmed in an unheated warehouse and I was inadequately dressed. The scenes themselves were fun, but by the end of the night I was freezing, hungry, and exhausted.

- Thugs have a short life expectancy. True, this film is a work of fiction, but what I am telling you is fact. Watch the news if you don't believe me. If you want to live a long, fruitful life, it is best not to choose a life of crime.

- Fight scenes are not entirely fake. If you see a movie character getting slammed into a metal wall, guess what? An actor got slammed into that metal wall. Actually, between rehearsal and multiple takes of film, that actor got slammed into the metal wall 15-20 times. For fight scenes to look realistic, actors have to actually punch, kick, and throw each other. And they have to do it dozens of times for each rep you see in the movie.

- Fighting on concrete changes everything. What is easy and comfortable rolling on mats can be awful on hard surfaces. Taking falls is even worse. Solid technique can help you land safely, but that does not mean you will not take damage. I woke up the day after my simulated, movie fight feeling as if I had been in an actual fight. This drives home what my instructors have taught me - if you can avoid it, you do not want to go to the ground in an actual self defense situation. Concrete is not a friend to your knees or noggin'.

- If you are cast as a thug, it is important to remove your movie makeup before driving home, in the unlikely event that you get pulled over by the cops. My makeup looked awesome but it was waterproof and hard to remove. So I decided that I would drive home in makeup, show my hubby my cool, fucked up face, and then soak in a long epsom salt bath to soothe my sore muscles and get my face clean.

Impressive, huh?

But here's the thing - I really did get pulled over for speeding on the way home. And along with a shortened life expectancy, thugs don't get much leniency from cops. Really, would you let someone who looks like this off with a warning?

Shooting a fight scene was a cool life experience, but a tougher job than I thought. From now on when I am watching a movie and I see punches thrown, I will have an increased appreciation of what it takes to make the scene work.

Is it too late to audition for Bonanza?

What is your grappling pet peeve?

If you are reading my blog, you probably love to train jiu jitsu. And if you love to train jiu jitsu, you probably love your training partners (at least most of them). But admit it - ours is a brutal, sweaty, gnarly, smelly, hideous, intimate sport. And sometimes we just need to bitch. 

So I posed the above question - "What is your grappling pet peeve?" - to both my personal Facebook page and to the Women's Grappling Network page. Turns out, grapplers have a lot to complain about - between the two sources, my question garnered about 150 responses!

We all enjoyed a cathartic bitch-fest, sharing our most irksome training issues. There's not time or room to list all of them, but I broke the most common responses into 5 categories:

Ickiness and hygiene:

Of course, we have the usual hygiene party fouls - long nails, smelly, unwashed gis, body odor, people who train when they are contagious. Girls who wear makeup and leave lipstick stains on your gi. Guys who drip sweat on your face or, worse, in your mouth.

 
Sweaty, hairy man-belly was another big one here. Turns out, no one likes to find their face smothered in the fleshy midsection of their training partner.  

Photo courtesy of Anilom Assenav

Believe it or not, folks don't enjoy finding their training partner's balls in their faces either. North/south position and kimuras so often come along with this extra, uninvited treat. But what IS up for debate is whether people prefer their training partners to wear cups or not. Some appreciate the extra inch of protection between your boys and their faces. Others are willing to sacrifice this barrier, claiming that balls in face > steel cup in spine.

Here are some additional complaints:

"My own fucking hair irritates me to no end...Speaking of hair, when new people (including some long haired guys) don't do something at least somewhat practical with their hair. They put it in the loosest low ponytail you can imagine or just leave it all down." - Elizabeth Chastain

"Clothing....ladies this isn't the beach, it's no place for a tube top or low cut tank top. Keep your girls under control." -Valeria Covey
 

Stalling and chit chat:

One of my personal pet peeves falls into this category. Picture this: You ask someone if they'd like to roll. They say yes. You prepare to slap five. Then, to your dismay, your training partner stands up and WALKS ACROSS THE MATS for a drink of water. Your blood pressure rises. The timer beeps. You start foaming at the mouth. Your training partner takes his sweet time sipping. Finally, he walks back toward you, with nary an apology. By the time he is ready to commence the roll, 30-60 seconds have ticked by and you are losing your shit.

Folks, if someone asks you to roll, say yes only if you are prepared to start the roll in a timely fashion. Otherwise, say "I'll get you next round" and go take care of business while preserving your compulsive training partner's sanity.

Here's more on the subject of stalling and chit chat:

"Any type of stalling whatsoever but especially stopping to talk during a roll. Shut up and roll." - Jacob Whitfield

"Stopping me literally every ten seconds in the roll to explain what I was doing wrong so that by the time the roll is up all I've learned is how much you like to listen to yourself talk." - Beverly Huang

"When you're rolling with someone and they start talking to someone else." - Al Bee


Attitude and ego

Along with training consistency, good attitude is probably the biggest predictor of long term jiu jitsu success. It keeps you sane and well-adjusted and maintains your good rapport with your training partners. Respondents had a lot to say about annoying attitudes and over-inflated egos, so I will let them do the talking on this topic:

"I dislike mat bullies that target smaller, less experienced people and duck anybody that might challenge them." - Jeff Shaw

"People who won't stop talking about all the other people they have submitted." - Mary Holmes
  
"Qualifications in general. Like 'Man he tapped me, that guy is strong.' 'Dude she's a girl but man is she good at that choke.' 'I can never beat this guy he's just too flexible.' 'His hands are this big, he wristlocks me all the time'." - Chris Crawford 

"Excuses for tapping that devalue the other person's skill or experience. 'How much do you weigh?' 'Wow, you're strong.' 'Yeah, I'm just out of shape.' 'I had a big lunch.' 'I hurt my medulla oblagata yesterday and couldn't push off so you got that, normally I never get caught there'." - Tim Hufford

"Belt color entitlement." - Brandon Brown 


Maladaptive rolling style

I kept reading a lot of the same complaints here, because these guys are at every single gym: Finger grabbers. Crotch knee-ers. Face chokers. Douche bags who resist while drilling. White belts who take up the whole damn mat while rolling, knocking everyone else out of the way. Folks who can't open your closed guard, so they dig their elbows into your thighs or squeeze the crap out of your ribs.

We all know that person who rolls hard with you, right until you are about to get something good. Then she stops resisting and talks you through how you could tap her better. Or the guy who asks you to roll light and then comes at you like it's the finals of the mundials. The spaz who rolls in an out of control manner, kneeing, kicking, and elbowing her partners "by accident" but never slowing down for fear of getting tapped.

Anges Gall has another issue: "People who aren't having any fun, especially if they can't just laugh. If you're taking it so seriously that you can't giggle at the fact that we're rolling around on the ground hugging each other, at least try not to spoil anyone else's fun?"

Another major gripe: "I truly hate the douche move. If I was in competition, okay knee on face or shake my neck/lapel or flick my nose to expose my neck...In practice.. F.U!" - Ariella Nathanson


Gender

I posted my question to the Women's Grappling Network, because I wanted to get input from lots of women. And that I did! For the most part, the pet peeves of women who train are indistinguishable from humans who train, and those responses have been counted and reported above.

For me, the topic of "how to train with women" has always seemed overly simplistic and patronizing. Women are a heterogeneous group - we come in a variety of sizes, shapes, strengths, and body types. We stem from varied backgrounds and have myriad athletic and personal goals. What is productive and appropriate in training with one woman, may not be so training with another. The only way to accurately determine how any given woman wants to train is to ask her.

It's not surprising to me that some women have conflicting pet peeves. Some complain that men roll too delicately with them and are afraid to move properly for fear of "breaking" them. Others dislike it when men rely too heavily on strength and weight and choose to smash them instead of relying more heavily their technique.

There are some pet peeves, however, that would bug any of us:

"Walking into a new gym for the first time and being mistaken for A) someone's girlfriend or B) a beginner student. If I walk in with a gym bag and I'm already wearing gi pants why must you assume either of these things?" - Diane Bankhead 

"That backhanded compliment where guys say you're tough, good etc ... for a girl." - Katie Egan

"Grappling with brand new guys...once you submit them, they think 'omg I just got submitted by a girl' then they do whatever they can to win which might include trying to break your arm!!!" - Nidia Sacagawea 

"When dudes try to 'avenge' me because someone rolled hard with me or rolled with me in a way that THEY did not like. It's my roll. Not yours." - Chelsea Kurtzman 

"If someone calls me 'sweetie'." - Isa Bruno

So there we have it! This isn't the exhaustive list, but it's the Cliff's Notes version of what is bugging your fellow grappler. I know that I'm guilty of at least a few of these...are you?